Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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