Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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