it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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