I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
