I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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