So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
