you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
