Tell her she can't have a vagina
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
