i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
