Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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