I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
