I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
