How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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