She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
