don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
