just tell him i said nine months
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
