her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
