32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
