the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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