The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
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it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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