Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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