So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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