i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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