a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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