I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
