BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
