I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
