when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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