I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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