i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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