you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
