Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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