I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
