Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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