called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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