I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
