Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
