i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
