his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
