the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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