I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
