Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize