there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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