Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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