i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
