He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
