just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
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They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him