Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.