I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$