Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?