i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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