4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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