there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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