Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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