My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
