Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
