i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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