my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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