I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
