11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
