sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
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Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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