guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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