worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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